ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
