You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
