you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
