I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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