Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
