I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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