just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
