He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
