i think my tv is drunk
one might say we're banned from that church
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
