So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
