Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
