i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
