I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
bring money and cleavage
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
