I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
