i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
