he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
