yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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