Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
