Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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