Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
