Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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