i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
