I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
