He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize