I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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