Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
