im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
