last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
