Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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