I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize