you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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