I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
