I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
