Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
