im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
