I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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