Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
