i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
