He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
