Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
