just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You don't make any sense
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