I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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