Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
