Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
