I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
