They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
