I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
