and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
