Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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