everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need a beard to bite.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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