Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
