either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
