Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
