maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
