Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize