Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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