Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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