not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
