My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
