i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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