Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize