it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
